@Love: Internet dating and why it is or is not a misguided endeavor

I’ve never used an online dating service, and so you might think it strange, brazen even, that I choose this as my topic. However, I study embryonic mouse development for a living, am pretty good at it, but I have never owned a mouse and have not been an embryo for almost 30 years. My lack of expertise is, therefore, not to be dwelled upon.

I know that there are some mind-blowing success stories out there about online dating. There are also mind-blowing success stories about plane crashes and mold. A few weeks ago a derivative of mold coursed through my body and cleared a nasty infection. I won’t mention that my body then mounted a surprisingly enthusiastic immune response against said drug and made my face look like a plum. I won’t mention that. Anyway, the fact is, that to my knowledge, there are many more failures in online dating than there are successes. To my knowledge, that is a fact.

If there is indeed a problem with Internet dating, which I can’t really say that there is, I would hypothesize that it has something to do with the introductory questionnaire. The first problem, and you may be familiar with this fact, is that humans lie. People are often surprised when they take an occupational competency test and the results tell them to stay in their current occupation. Shocking! I can’t imagine that anyone putting themselves on the dating market would experience similar temptations to stretch the truth. Maybe you can imagine that, but I can’t. The second problem with the questionnaire is that it is composed of questions, or more specifically, that the answers, assuming they are honest, don’t mean anything. As a brain scientist I can almost tell you with near certainty that all of our actions are (probably) the result of activity in subconscious, primitive brain regions, and that our consciousness is more like a boss who signs papers all day. He/She doesn’t even have to wear pants. I’m leaning towards being pretty sure on all that, so lets move on.

It’s harder to find mates now because of the increasing number of individuals we have to sift through. I already saw like 50 people already this morning. But if dating sites want to be successful, they need to embrace human nature. Want to know if you’re going to like someone? Smell them! Scent is a much better indicator of compatibility than whether you enjoy Jimmy Buffett just Sometimes? or Often? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been about to heavily pet someone who’s legs just don't know when to quit until I got a whiff behind her ear. That happened once-ish. Want to go high-tech? Get a cheek swab and see if you have similar immune system genes. Same genes? Move on or your kid is going be the one carrying six asthma inhalers and who’s afraid to wipe.

I think I’ve hit upon an important point here, namely that, at first glance, there appear to be both positive and negative aspects of online dating.