This will probably be my last entry for a bit; I’ll try to hit up an internet café when possible while I’m away, but it will definitely be sporadic. So for the time being, you’ll have to satisfy your Lee cravings with past entries or blissful daydreams of whatever frolicking summer days we’ve shared. Those were good times.

For the past few days I’ve been staying in one of my roommate’s rooms while he’s out of town. In the meantime, a young lad from Oklahoma has moved into my old room. He’s come with his parents, who together have already initiated profound and positive changes in the condo. Most notably, the bathmat with two permanent black footprints has been replaced, and the month-long dead lizard by the front door, which I was on the verge of naming, has been disposed of. They have also done my dishes.

Welp, that’s it. If there’s an emergency, I’ve verified that my cell phone (excuse me, my mobile) is able to receive international calls. But it costs upwards of $1.50/min, so when I say “emergency”, I mean something important enough that you will reimburse me for at the exchange rate contemporaneous to your call. Soon to miss you all with varying intensities.
Your friend,
-Lee

P.S. Here’s something I wrote a couple years ago. I thought it was pretty funny at the time. I guess it kind of still is.

Chattem releases new ICYHOT Emotional Pain Salve
Applied orally, product spurs controversy

Chattem, the manufacturer of the popular pain relief salve “ICYHOT”, has unveiled its newest product today: ICYHOT Emotional Pain Salve. This product represents a move from Chattem’s usual area of coverage, which before included products made specifically for muscle and joint pain.

The new product’s logo has been modified to fit its new function, as well as to imply its method of relief: “Jack to dull the pain, Cola to soothe it away”.

The item is already receiving attacks from a number of groups, including AA and the FDA’s ethics committee, which fought unsuccessfully to ban the product from the market. However, product developers and marketers are undeterred. Says James Wallace, public relations officer for Chattem, “What we have here is an item that essentially serves the same purpose as ICYHOT, which is to provide temporary pain relief. Administered orally in small or large quantities, ICYHOT Emotional Pain Salve goes right to the source of the pain. Whether you’ve been fired, dumped, kidnapped, or are suffering any other sort of severe emotional pain, there is really only one choice, and that’s to get smashed off of our product.”

Under close scrutiny are the product’s commercials, which feature an obviously distraught man consuming the product one minute, then relaxed and carelessly kicking his dog the next. Says Mary O’Mally, founder and sole member of IMADD (Irish Mothers Against Drunk Driving), “There’s really no reason to perpetuate the idea that consuming something can help solve a real emotional issue. Mental pain needs to be talked about, not just medicated.” Wiping a stray drop of the product off his face, marketing director Donald Malcomb responded yesterday to O’Mally’s comments with, “That’s bullshit.”

Customer response to the salve has been mixed, although high sales have been reported, particularly to minors. “We’re really excited to be hitting a new demographic,” Malcomb added in his interview, “Our sales of original brand ICYHOT have always been confined to the older generations. It’s nice to do something for the hurting younger crowd as well, especially around the holidays.”