I’ve only got about half an hour to tear this one out before I have to leave for Trader Joe’s. (I.e. this will not be edited as usual) In my effort to make apartment-moving easier, I ate/fed to dogs/threw away most of my food Thursday afternoon. I realized last night as I ate whole peanuts for dinner that the process could have been approached more wisely. Stella Artois for dessert.

Sometimes when I’m more emotional or irritable than usual, I’ll comment that I’m getting my period. Since I have never menstruated, technically I could be PMSing. I brought this up to my UNC provider, Dr. D, on my last visit. Dr. D is by far the best doctor I’ve visited. Growing up I experienced the joy of a friend’s father (my family’s physician) feeling up my testicles. My college experience was not much better. After contracting a prostate infection from holding my urine for too long, I was met with extreme skepticism by Dr. Kohler (that’s right, Kohler, I’m calling your skinny ass out on this one) when I told him I wasn’t sexually active. What 22 year old male would lie about such a thing?! Moving on.

Dr. D informed me that I was almost certainly not suffering from PMS. Relief. After going over some of my symptoms, she suggested that I take a “life change” test, which estimates your level of stress based on major changes in the past 6 months. These range from death of a spouse to promotions to whether one had recently taken an exam. “Does this one count?” I asked. “No.”

I was surprised to find that one’s stress level can fall into one of only six distinct categories. See, I would have guessed at least 10, but I was always bad with discrete math. The results of the stress test indicated that I was in the 4th highest category which, I was informed, could lead to symptoms such as:
• Weight loss
• Weight gain
• Trouble getting to sleep
• Trouble staying awake
• Fatigue
• Hyperactivity

Amazing, I thought, I am experiencing literally every one of these.

I left Dr. D feeling better in the thoughts that 1) I was not entering estrus, and 2) what I was experiencing could fit neatly into a box, or more accurately, that the solution could fit neatly in a cute, orange tinted bottle. See, I would have guessed blue, but whatever.
Holy crap, I just made my time limit. Ciao.